Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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