why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize