idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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