even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
