it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
oh god the rape fog is back!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
