So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
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The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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