never play flip cup with pint glasses
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
