Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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