I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
