I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
