i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
