the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
