it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
