eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Boobs are out for the taking
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
