Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
