I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
