My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I would ride that face into the sunset
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
