Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
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You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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