I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
