you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
