ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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