If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
