Me too!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
