I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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