I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
