if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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