she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
