I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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