Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
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I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
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The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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