i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
