i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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