remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
