I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
