Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
