Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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