That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
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What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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