she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
