It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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