Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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