She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
