When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
