You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
