Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
