why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
