I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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