Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
