yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
