doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
