The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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