there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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