I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
