GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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