Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So apparently I’m into choking now
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