he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
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He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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