he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
