Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
