we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
