I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
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