I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
