Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
