I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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