my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
