Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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