There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
