New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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