What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
