This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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