I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
