You were right. It hurts to walk today.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
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I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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