Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You took a bar mat shot.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Less talking, more tequila
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
