I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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