can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
