What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
