I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
