I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
