Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
