We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
