i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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