i may or may not be watching the land before time
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
honey bunches of taint.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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