i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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