Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
