If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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